Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Rocko's Modern Life

The Beloit College Mindset List came out today - you know the list that makes you realize you are older than dirt?

Let's play: How Old Is Meghan? My comments in red

Here's the list:

The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2014

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.

For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead. I have no idea who any of these people are. Good start.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive. All I can say is FOR SHAME! FOR SHAME!

2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.

3. “Go West, Young College Grad” has always implied “and don’t stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way.” pretty much, yup.

4. Al Gore has always been animated. aaahhh... what? He was the Veep, then he invented the internet, now he's saving the world!

5. Los Angelenos have always been trying to get along. Nope.

6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High. I do remember a pre-Buffy world, but I was young.

7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend. I only know who HAL is because of a Jimmy Buffett song.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves “real” aliens from another planet. HAH! My dad is an Irish citizen. But he isn't am immigrant, he along with both his parents were born here.

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis. I'm sure he did, but I don't remember him doing so.

12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry. eh, not really.

13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation. I always thought it was stoooopit.

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine. I remember him practicing.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause. That didn't start with 9/11? OMG, when this list comes out and college freshman weren't born before 9/11, I might start to cry. It's not that far away, we're already a decade out from it. 8 more years....

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways. Like the Daewoo?

17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection. I'm VERY PROUD to say I was too old for that fad. Thank gawd. Though I do have some Beanie Babies

18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess. My childhood BFF and I used to play Fergie and Di. She was Fergi. I was Di. Clearly I lost on that deal.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone. sad. I used to do that.

20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed. I don't remember them not existing, but then again I was only 11 when these kids were born.

21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.

22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.

23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.

24. “Cop Killer” by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording. Really? You can't buy that? I've never heard it (I don't think). Does that mean I never will? And does anything think it's funny that he plays a cop on SVU?

25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks. I want to say I remember Johnny Carson, I really do. But I don't.

26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides. Seen one? Yes. But even back then they were obsolete.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive. Nope. Apple IIGS baby! Oregon Trail!

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day. Then they are just stooopid

29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.

30. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows. nope.

31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum. The first computer I touched was some sort of Texas Instrument thing. I have no idea what it was. But the first one I had in school was an Apple II. Does that make me old or young?

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed. Yes it did. I was alive.

33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen. In my memory, yes. In my lifetime, probably not.

34. “Assisted Living” has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always been an alternative to hospitals.

35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.

36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones. Honestly, I had no idea that was the case.

37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an “Annus Horribilis.” DO NOT TELL ME THAT WAS THE YEAR CHARLES AND DIANA GOT A DIVORCE!?!?!

38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes. sadly, yes they did.

40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics. Um, I think I was born before AIDS. Like 2 seconds before, but I still think it was before.

41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam. Yup.

42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.aw, to be fair, the plural spelling does contain an E.

43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space. I did live though a whole decade of the Cold War, but it was the very end when no one was really scared of them anymore.

44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.

45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station. I remember when Curt Cobain died. I didn't care then either.

47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.

48. Someone has always gotten married in space. Again, didn't know this was happened.

49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps. nope! I thought this was ingenious when it came out.

51. Food has always been irradiated.

52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he? Who Shot JR? I actually don't know, but I do know it's from Dallas. Oh wait, it was a dream, wasn't it?

54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.

55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

56. They may have assumed that parents’ complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.

57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife.

58. Beethoven has always been a dog.

59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola’s new Tab Clear, it was gone.

60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.

61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies’ withholding tax, or else.

62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine.

63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely. On the contrary, I remember the inception of NAFTA

65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus. don't remember this particular computer virus.

66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church. Wait, the RCC didn't admit Galileo was right until 1992? REALLY?

67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court. nope

68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S. Yup.

69. The Post Office has always been going broke.

70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.

71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

72. One way or another, “It’s the economy, stupid” and always has been.

73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.

74. They’ve always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi Channel.

75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis. I don't follow NASCAR. Or any other professional car racing.

So I think I'm just medium old. What about you?

1 comment:

Nancy said...

OMG, Meghan! How young is Meghan? (OK, so that comes from someone far, far older than she!)

So, I can understand that you don't know who Benny Hill was (a silly Bristish comedian), or Bert Parks ("There she is, Miss America..."). But Sam Kinison? Really? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO HE WAS??? (You would understand the all caps if you knew who he was) Or Sam Walton? WalMart founder... Or Tony Perkins? You did see Psycho, didn't you? The original? A classic?
I agree with you. Shame on college entrants who cannot write in cursive. But then, they also think it's fine to write ur for you're and b4 for before.
Most of the other comparisons you make seem reasonable for your age, whether you place yourself in the same category as those born in 1992 or not. Except HAL. I just can't imagine anyone having not seen 2001: A Space Odyssey. But then, I'm old. After all, I didn't think The Hangover was funny...
Enjoy your youth! As you can see, life goes by faster and faster!