10 Fashion Rules

by Meghan.

I am sick of seeing terrible, ill fitting, and ugly clothes on people. Please heed the following fashion rules.

1. Unless you are Mischa Barton, do not wear skinny jeans. If you are a normal girl (read - not Mischa Barton) and have HIPS, you will look ridiculous in skinny jeans. Also, if you are over the age of 25, don't even try. Oh, and if you ARE Mischa Barton - eat a sandwhich girl! An extra 5 pounds will only make you look better.

2. Uggs. They are perfectly acceptable in the northern states (ie the cold states). However, they are never to be TUCKED INTO JEANS. First of all, unless you are wearing skinny jeans, they make your jeans bag and look frumpy - please refer to rule #1 if you are unsure about skinny jeans. So northern girls - Uggs are okay! Under jeans, that is. And never with anything BUT jeans. Never with a skirt. Never. Southern girls - sorry. This is one article of footwear you are not allowed to even own. It will never get cold enough where you live to warrant Uggs. A random 30 degree day with a dusting of snow is nothing. Wear sneakers that day, or even Wellies. (side note - Wellies are okay anywhere, but only if it is raining or snowing)

3. Shorts or Sweatpants with writing across the bum. Not cool. In high school, when you have the bum to fit into these pants, it's trashy to announce to the world that you are JUICY. After high school, you need to give up the dream. Hate on the skinny high school bitches all you want, but they have nicer bodies than you do.

4. Guys - Do. Not. Ever. Wear. Sandals. Ever. Never ever. The occasional flip flop (occasional!) is acceptable, and Addidas sandals are okay (again, on occasion). But sandals are not to be worn if you were born with a penis. And if you have ugly feet (and I can think of a few of you offhand) keep the flipflops or Addidas sandals limited to the beach. Wear docksiders (or "boat shoes") anywhere else.

5. No matter how trendy they are, if you are over the age of 5, you look like an ass in a ruffled skirt. I'm just sayin'. They even made the models look like asses. Thank god that trend has run its course, but remember this rule the next time they come back into high fashion.

6. If I can see your bum when you sit down, buy higher waisted pants, or buy a belt. I'm not talking about the pants that go past your bellybutton, but maybe a nice mid-rise. I shouldn't have to see your behind.

7. If you are pregnant, take advantage of looking very cute. Pregnant women have very cute clothes. Women who are 9 months pregnant should not wear mumus or bikinis. The mumus don't make you look cute, and the bikini, quite frankly, freaks out everyone around you.

8. Take out your LBD once in awhile, and make sure it still fits. If it is too small, time to buy a new one. If you wear a LBD that makes you look like a hooker, people will think you are a hooker. Get it?

9. Guys - brown pants = brown socks. Black pants = black socks. Grey pants = grey socks. There are a FEW exceptions, but that is the easiest rule to live by. This way, you can't mess up. So go stock up on those colored socks. They sell them in packs of three at any retail establishment that sells socks. Never wear white socks unless you are also wearing sneakers (note - sneakers are only worn with jeans)

10. White after Labor Day is perfectly acceptable. In moderation.