Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Emily Post is my homegirl

What can I say, I believe in etiquette. I also believe in addressing wedding invitations correctly. Here's a cheat sheet of how to act like a civilized human being (and address your wedding invitations correctly)

* Wedding invitations are formal on the OUTSIDE envelope, and casual on the INSIDE envelope. Get it? Mr. and Mrs. John Doe outside. John and Jane on the inside. WHY IS THERE CONFUSION OVER THIS?

* Serve white wine chilled and red wine at room temperature. This isn't proper etiquette. This is common sense. Come on now people. I know you want to put that ice cube in your white wine, but refrain from doing so unless you are at home or with really good friends. Otherwise people will think you are weird. Good friends will always let you get away with it though. If they don't, they are not Good Friends.

* Speaking of wine, if someone brings a bottle of wine to a house party of any kind, you serve it AT THE PARTY. Even if you don't want to. Even if it is White Zin. It's rude not to do so.

* Don't bring White Zin as a hostess present. Your host or hostess does not want to serve it with the better wines, but then is forced to do so.

* Don't wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride. If you know what color the bridesmaids are wearing, and it is not a common color - don't wear that color. If the bridesmaids are wearing black, of course you can wear black. If they are wearing blue polka dots - don't wear blue polka dots. Get it? Can I clear anything up for you?

* Walk on the right side of the sidewalk or hallway.

* If you see a woman with a baby carriage trying to open a door, open it for her. Especially if that woman is me and that baby is my Baby Girl.

* Thank you notes. Send them. I remember ever shower and wedding I attended and did not receive a thank you. So don't think people don't notice these things. Yeah, writing Thank You's suck. You can whine to me about it all you want - I hate it too. But just do it. It's a painful hour or two hours, but Just Do It.

* Elderly people and pregnant women get to sit before you do. Unless you are elderly or pregnant - then you can sit first.

* Your thumb is not a utensil. Don't use it as one.

* fork on the left, knife on the right. The blades of the knife face IN.

* If you sit down at a table with more than one fork, remember to start at the outside and work your way in. It's never difficult to know which fork to use. Outside in.

* This one is not commonly known, but the correct way to eat soup is to scoop it out of your bowl from the inside (side of the bowl closest to you) out (side of the bowl further away from you).

* Do not discuss money. Ever.

* Do not discuss politics. Ever.

* Do not discuss religion. Ever.

(the above three can, of course, be waived when around Good Friends. Unless it's a weekend at the coffee shop).

* Ladies do not cross their legs over the knee. Ladies sit with their legs together and cross their ankles (this one is really hard for me). Picture Queen Elizabeth sitting - ankles crossed, not over the knee.

This, my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg.

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