It's Christmas time again. But it just doesn't feel the same as when I was a kid. Obviously nothing is as exciting as Santa when you still believe and the excitement is just out of control. But even when you stop believing, as a child or teenager there is still a magic to Christmas. There's vacation from school, you're getting presents, there is still an obscene amount of excitement throughout the entire Christmas season. It's pretty much all you can think about from Thanksgiving through New Years. But then you go to college. And you would like to be happy about Christmas, but you've got finals - and I had them usually through the 22nd or 23rd. And now that I am in grad school, I still have finals. Money is tight, time is tight, stress ads up, and you always eat and drink too much. I want the Christmas of my childhood back again.
I think that is why Faith Hill's song is my favorite Christmas carol for this stage in my life.
Where are you Christmas?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me?
Why can't I hear music play?
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too?
Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember
The one you used to know?
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go?
Someday when we have kids and they are old enough to understand about Christmas I'll be excited again. Every year I try to get it back. I have lights in my windows, I have decorations around my house. I've pulled out the Christmas carols. I'm hosting a small Christmas gathering (when I have my own house, it will be a Christmas bash, but as I only have a tiny condo, the guest list is very small this year) But I just don't really care. I'm stressing out about what I am going to by for people. I'm stressing more about how I am going to pay for it. I'm worried about my finals. I'm behind at work.
I want Santa to bring me my old Christmas spirit
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