I am not an idiot

Growing up the youngest child with my older sibling being very smart, people (and when I say people, I do mean my parents and sibling) just kind of assumed I was an idiot and they made fun of me a lot. It hurt my feelings. But if I ever said anything about it, they would make fun of me some more. I spent a lot of time in my room crying after they made fun of me. Maybe that's why I was (am?) so attached to my Winnie. He never made fun of me. I'm not stupid. I'm actually pretty intelligent. Except when it comes to any type of mathematical subject. I will be the first to tell you, I have some kind of mental block with math. I don't like it and it doesn't like me. With enough practice I can handle it though... it just takes a while and it's a struggle. But hey, I'm taking graduate level math classes right now, and though painful, I've maintained the 3.0 GPA necessary to stay in the program. Actually my GPA is 3.7 something - so you know what? I'm not stupid.



I wish I could say that my family no longer makes fun of me. But they still do and it still hurts my feelings and if I said anything they would still make fun of me even more. I don't want to give the wrong impression of my family. They aren't terrible people. I don't think they actually realize what they are doing. But sometimes they just send me over the edge. Today for example I was taking hypothetically about taking the boat out by myself and beaching it. Clearly that isn't going to happen because: 1) it's not my boat so my father would have to give the okay for me to take it and as previously mentioned they all think I am an idiot, so I don't think that would happen and 2) Where we beach the boat you need a minimum of 2 people to throw the anchors out at the appropriate time. So, again, clearly I am not going to beaching the boat by myself anytime soon. Which I thought was understood. But my parents and my sibling thought that was just hysterical and said they wanted to watch as I did it. I thought at first they meant that it would be funny to watch one person beach the boat. Because as previously stated, that would be almost impossible for one person to do alone. But no... no they think I'm so moronic that I wouldn't be able to handle the boat. Because my small brain can't handle such a responsibility. Umm..... yeah. I'm not that dumb. Not only am I not an idiot, but I have been handling boats by myself since I was 8. Sail boats and power boats. I can dock a boat with my eyes closed, and yet my brother seemed to think that the very idea of me docking a boat was hysterical. Then the hilarity ensued and they all chimed in about me and handling the boat and lining up to watch me do it. Forget the fact that I have been handling boats for 18 years. Forget the fact that I have owned my own boats in the past. Forget the fact that I have been a sailing instructor and was in charge of all the boats and their upkeep. Forget all of that. I am an idiot who cannot get out of her own way.



So I left the table because I don't get the enjoyment out of the unfounded ridicule that they do. I know I am not an idiot and I know defending myself will create more ridicule. Unfortunately Winnie isn't here to absorb the tears so I didn't give in to the pity party. I should still travel with him like I did when I was a kid.